Love and Thanks

I just wanted to thank you for your love and support. It's really quite amazing.

Have I ever told you how this blog came to fruition? Well, perhaps I should.

The night following Bennett's death I could not sleep. We were sleeping at my parent's home (they had not ruled out environmental factors yet) and - surrounded by my three remaining children and husband in a king size bed - I laid in bed shaking and weeping. I can't do this! I thought. This is too much for me. Ask anything but this. ANYTHING!

Unable to sleep, I went into my parents bathroom around 2 am to take a bath. They called me into their bed and together we held each other and just cried like our hearts were breaking. Because they were. When I felt too weak to cry any more, I dragged myself to the bathroom and slid into their clawfoot tub. I sat there, face heavenward, asking the Lord what He wanted of me. The answer came softly, clearly and suddenly. Write a blog about your journey.

Now, you must understand that - though I HAVE been writing a blog for nearly three years - it is PRIVATE and I am extremely careful who I add to my blog list. I wanted to protect my children, protect my family and share amongst people I knew and trusted. So the prompting to start a blog that narrated the most personal and painful journey of my life was a bit scary. I fought it (of course). But - when the promptings would not cease - finally reserved the blog address "a mothers grief observed." Time passed. We spent lots of time at the mortuary holding Bennett, making hand molds, taking lots of pictures and enjoying having him in our home one last time (following his first viewing) before his burial. Then we celebrated his light and life at his funeral the following day, testified of God's Love and Plan and then buried our baby. It was surreal, to say the least.

Weeks passed. And amid all the changes and investigations, the prompting continued. Write a blog about your journey. Only the impression became more specific on what the focus should be. Hope. Hope, was the prevailing impression. Testify of Hope. And thus the birth of Sunshine Promises. A blog whose subtitle says it all: Love, Laugh, Learn and Live Amid Life's Storms.

Now - just over a month old - my humble little blog has reached places and people I could have never imagined. In that short time, we have had over 36,000 hits and I have had the privilege of hearing others stories of inspiration, faith, healing and loss that have bolstered my own spirits. I don't know how people have found my blog and I don't know how the word has spread so fast. But it has. And I guess I should not be surprised given the fact that it was not MY idea. It was His.

Now as we have entered a new chapter of our grief (and a difficult one at that), I must thank you for how your thoughts, love and prayers have bolstered my little family. This is tough and it means more than you know. I would not wish this heartache upon a n y o n e , but if it were to happen to us (which is has), I am grateful that a loving Heavenly Father saw fit to set up an infrastructure of support for this heartbroken, aching mother. Will there be peace, joy, gratitude and love? You bet. But there will also be hard, difficult and even angry feelings. And that is okay. It is all a part of the journey. And - in the end - all will be made whole. Our hearts included.