I'm tired. That's all there is to it.
So while we wait to hear back from them, we will still have an open house tomorrow and we will start moving our not-needed-now items to a storage shed in prep for the inevitable move. And I'll start calling on rentals. Today.
I know many emotional moments are ahead as I start going through and packing away Bennett's things once more. It's only been three months since his death and everything is still so very fresh. But I believe in new beginnings. In fresh starts. And I believe in Hope.
And so please pray for us, friends. We are tired. Oh so very tired. And yet we believe we are doing what is best for our family. I just need the emotional and physical endurance to do it all.
And with His help, I will.
I will.
P.S. I just turned in the design for Bennett's Memorial. It should be installed in the next two weeks, just in time for his 2nd birthday. Any ideas how we can celebrate his life?
I think you are doing a wonderful job celebrating his life by living yours so beautifully. You give me strength (and a kick in the rear) to press forward, suck it up, and in every way have a little more faith and hope. Good luck with the house!
ReplyDeleteWe also have lost a child. We lost our only child almost three months ago. We celebrated her second birthday two weeks after she passed. We had angel food cake(since she is our little angel now), told stories about her(next year we will show videos since we will have more time to plan), we then went to a park to let off some wish lanterns. We lit them and watched them light up the sky, it was beautiful and we plan to continue that every year. There are just a few ideas for you. We understand your pain and sorrow and are so sorry for your loss and wish you the best of luck with all your endeavors. I enjoy coming on here and reading your blog, thank you for your inspiration.
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you always. I would like to help you pack. Can I come over one Saturday morning....bringing my girls to play of course....and help you?
ReplyDeleteSending house-buying vibes your way...
ReplyDeleteHooray for a probable buy on the house! I would love to bring out dinner any packing night...Email or call me anytime! We will keep our prayers coming. Your creativity and inspiration never ceases to amaze me, so I am sure however you decide to celebrate Bennett's life will be beautiful!
ReplyDeleteMuch love--Jenny B.
My sister introduced me to your blog after she learned her daughter was diagnosed with CdC also known as 5p-. I find myself in tears every time I read your blog, not because you write sad, but because being a mother I can literally only imagine the pain and devastation you and your family have gone through. Especially because it wasn't that long ago. But I want to share with you how beautiful this blog is. How you share your emotions, and allow all of us to grow and learn with you. I know times like this can make it so hard to find answers to your questions, but your faith and hope are so inspiring! Thank you for all you share! I truly find gratitude on your honesty. Benny is a darling little boy!!! You have a beautiful family, and it is wonderful to see the love you all posses for one another!
ReplyDeleteWhere I am from (Hawai'i) they actually make 1st birthdays a huge deal, because traditionally babies didn't make it past their first year. They have huge celebrations with tons of balloons, BBQ/potluck, jumps house (is that what you call them?) and of course a beach... but I am guessing you don't live close to the beach, so maybe a slip 'n slide. I thought I would share this with you since it is a celebration of Bennett's life. I know it won't be the 1st birthday, but thought you might find joy and beauty in the culture!
My sister introduced me to your blog after she learned her daughter was diagnosed with CdC also known as 5p-. I find myself in tears every time I read your blog, not because you write sad, but because being a mother I can literally only imagine the pain and devastation you and your family have gone through. Especially because it wasn't that long ago. But I want to share with you how beautiful this blog is. How you share your emotions, and allow all of us to grow and learn with you. I know times like this can make it so hard to find answers to your questions, but your faith and hope are so inspiring! Thank you for all you share! I truly find gratitude on your honesty. Benny is a darling little boy!!! You have a beautiful family, and it is wonderful to see the love you all posses for one another!
ReplyDeleteWhere I am from (Hawai'i) they actually make 1st birthdays a huge deal, because traditionally babies didn't make it past their first year. They have huge celebrations with tons of balloons, BBQ/potluck, jumps house (is that what you call them?) and of course a beach... but I am guessing you don't live close to the beach, so maybe a slip 'n slide. I thought I would share this with you since it is a celebration of Bennett's life. I know it won't be the 1st birthday, but thought you might find joy and beauty in the culture!
How?!!! You are my hero--
ReplyDeleteafter just going through a BIG move...I am there with all my uhaul heart!
Maybe some helium balloons with messages to your sweet boy.
You are amazing! Thank you for sharing this blog. Thank you for also sharing the fact that you get angry and struggle with keeping your patience. It brings you down from the impossibly perfect and noble and makes you someone I can relate to. Someone real. Someone who inspires me to be a better person. A better mom. My heart breaks for your loss. I join Bennett in cheering for you from a distance.
ReplyDeleteTo celebrate his life you could make a memory tree. Either buy or make a metal tree. Then choose your favorite photos of him to make into glass tile pendants to hang on the branches of the tree. Everyone could take turns choosing a pendant and then share a favorite memory of him. You would also end up with a decorative reminder of his beautiful life and the joy he brought to your family.
We used this same idea to make family trees recently. You can see pictures here http://virtualcacophony.blogspot.com/2011/05/family-tree.html
if you decide to throw a big hoorah, we have oodles of party supplies and have 2 jumphouses.
ReplyDeleteWe have had friends release butterfly's. Each one came in its own box tied with a ribbon. Everyone opened the boxes together and let them free. It seems so symbolic. Every time my kids and I see a butterfly, it reminds us of that person. It's a peaceful and beautiful thing now to see one flutter by. It also cannot help but remind of all the beautiful things that Heavenly Father has created, that He loves us, our loved ones live on and that life is Eternal. I have had some hard days when I have been greeted by a butterfly as though it were sent from heaven to remind me of these things.
ReplyDeletesistyugler made a great suggestion... my mom lost twin girls right after me. And once spring sprung we planted two trees in their name. We no longer own that house, but from time to time we are able to drive past, and those two sweet trees still stand strong. I love love love her idea!
ReplyDelete