I am a Sweetheart to One and a Mommy to Four Loveable Babes, one of which is smiling down on us from Heaven. I am learning to dance in the rain. Come with me on my journey as I make the most out of Life's mud puddles.

Put on your rain boots. Great adventure lies ahead.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Being Present

We just returned from the an outing to the park. It was hot and humid (even in our desert climate) but we were dying to get out of "the cave" (what we affectionately call our rental). On our walk there, we giggled, talked, planned our afternoon at the water park and talked about our "favorite things." Highlights?
  • Emma is thrilled to have found "her sport" (tennis) and "her instrument" (the harp). She is also super proud of the fact she FINALLY learned how to tie her shoes, a vice that has been plaguing her for a few years. Yay for setting and reaching goals!
  • Gracelyn has turned into a grown girl over night. She is super interested in all things hygiene. Whether its brushing/rinsing/flossing her teeth, painting her toenails, bathing twice a day, changing her outfit 5x daily, brushing her hair or putting on lip gloss. She also loves giving gifts and is always leaving surprises on her loved one's beds. She is such a little sweetheart.
  • Ashton is - well - Ashton. Cars/Trucks/Trains still consume his life but we are gearing up for toilet training round #2. We started the process last January but - after Bennett's passing - he developmentally digressed, which I have learned is pretty standard following traumatic events. So back in the saddle we go, hoping to have a break before we get in the diaper changing situation once more.
Why do I mention these things? Because I am learning how important it is amid grief to focus on what IS and not solely what IS NOT. In other words, Living In The Present. Bennett WAS taken Home. There is nothing we can do about that. But I still have three fantastic kids physically with me! And - just as I yearn for the simple every day moments that I shared with Bennett - I need to be present and enjoy them with Emma, Grace and Ashton. My job - for a time - is done with Bennett. But I still have work to do here. And realizing and living that changes my focus.

How grateful I am for the lessons I am learning. These lessons are helping me be a better Mom, Wife and Friend. They have come at a great cost but the lessons we have learned are priceless.

What a Gift.


  1. I've been reading your blog for a little while now. (Since I saw you on Studio 5, was it?) Anyway, I am grateful for the things you share on here, and the perspective you give. :) Although I haven't lost a child, I find this post to be something I needed to hear. I dwell a lot on what I used to have and not what I have now, and I'm sure I'd be happier if I could live in the present.

  2. Again, as always, thank you for your incredible insight, you make me want to be a better mom.

  3. amen to Amy C and Stef :) You are such a wonderful mom, to all 4 of your sweet kiddos...and you're perspective on focusing on the 3 you still have with you is inspiring. I need to treasure my little Brooks and be even more present... okay, i'm getting off the computer now ;) Love you Mand!

  4. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon your blog. Your words and thoughts have been so comforting and helpful to me. I have lost 2 children, a daughter and a son, to stillbirth. It has been a hard journey but reading inspirational words, such as you write, is so incredibly helpful and uplifting.

    I am sorry for the loss of your handsome Bennett. I, too, am very thankful for knowledge I have of Eternal Families. That we can be with our children again.

    Thank you!

  5. i am loving reading your words again.. missed you cuz.

  6. thank you for this timely reminder.
    Your children are all beautiful little people and I'm glad you are enjoying being their mum.

  7. Thanks so much...my heart is so full from these words. Because today I couldn't move, I tried, but I just turned circles. I have been living in a moment of "what could've happened"...I hope tomorrow will be better, and I will not let the fear of "if I had, if he hadn't stopped, if this or that had happened, than this could've been the outcome." Tomorrow I will wake, and move recognizing the present as exactly what it is a gift to us.


Thank you for being a part of my journey. I appreciate your supportive and healing comments. Here's to a Promise of Sunshine!