I am a Sweetheart to One and a Mommy to Four Loveable Babes, one of which is smiling down on us from Heaven. I am learning to dance in the rain. Come with me on my journey as I make the most out of Life's mud puddles.

Put on your rain boots. Great adventure lies ahead.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Time For Me


Well, I hope you are enjoying “Father Feature.” It is interesting to think about what I might share and to put thoughts and feelings in writing knowing that anyone in the world might read them. Today I thought I would share something very personal in the hopes that it might help someone learn from my experience in a way that might make an immediate difference in actions that will occur today, tomorrow, and forever. This experience has done that for me and continues to remind me each day of ways that I can change.

The night of January 21, 2011 seemed like any other night for our family. I had been playing with the kids earlier and Bennett was taken to bed by mom. Later it was my turn and I did my usual routine that involved getting Ashton settled. This night he needed a diaper change. I did it in his bedroom on his bed because it was convenient. I tried really hard not to disturb Bennett. He was sleeping in his crib in the same room. I had been working on a presentation I was scheduled to give the following Sunday. I had been collecting notes and I was anxious to get back to it. Well, I finished changing Ashton and I was not successful at leaving Bennett undisturbed. Ashton wasn’t exactly quiet and Bennett sat up and looked over at us in a half sleep half awake mode as I tried to get Ashton to fall asleep. It only lasted a few seconds and I remember thinking, “Please go back to sleep Bennett.” He lay back down and did just what I had hoped for and I stayed with Ashton for a few more minutes to make sure he was sound asleep before returning to my bed. I don’t really remember anything that occurred after that that night.

How I wish I could change that night. I will forever remember looking over at Bennett that night hoping that I would be able to return to my bed quickly instead of having to pick up Bennett to put him back to sleep. I should have seen and acted upon a moment that I cannot take back in a very different way. If I would have gone over and picked him up or even just shifted him a little to make him more comfortable I would have had some final moments that I would have treasured. Instead I have a regret. It isn’t a small regret. The crib where he slept is now in storage and I will not be laying him down after holding him tight for a very, very long time.

Silently (or maybe not so silently) we may think, if only I had more “time for me.” I thought that was what I needed that night. The interesting thing is that more “time for me” doesn’t exactly have the same meaning as it did before. The best “time for me” is time that I spend dedicated to loved ones. Most particularly I speak of my wife and children. A hug, an act of service, a note written, a kind word spoken, a mealtime, special event, and so forth. I wish I could have more “time for me” with Bennett. I missed some of that in the last moments of his life. The next time I held him, he was lifeless. I am trying to remember each and every moment the “time for me” lesson. I don’t ever want to create a regret like this again. I want to give time where its effects will be most valuable and where the impact will be the most lasting.

I promised that I would share something very personal in the hopes that it might help someone learn from my experience in a way that might make an immediate difference in actions that will occur today, tomorrow and forever. There is a series of commercial spots that I really like. You may have seen them. I think they emphasize a small part of what I am trying to say. This is one that I can relate to (click here). Take some time to view a few, have a laugh and consider what “time for me” means to you.

14 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing that. It touched me deeply. I can't even begin to count the times I have had the same thought of please just go to sleep so I can do... You are right, these moments shouldn't be treated lightly. A quote I love is: "you are not an interruption in my life, but the purpose for it." This is a tough one to remember with children, but your story has reminded me to make sure I fill my "time for me" with meaningful moments with those I treasure. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm up reading this at one in the morning because I just had a "time for me" moment with my son. He was crying in his crib and I didn't hesitate to get up and rock him for a while because every time I do, I think of you and Mandy. Ever since Bennett's passing I have tried to not take these moments for granted. I'm not always successful, but I will keep trying. Thank you for the reminder. Love you guys.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a poignant share! I have had similar regrets about neglecting that last visit I was prompted to make or that phone call I postponed until too late when a loved one passed away. I try to focus on the good memories, and I am continually grateful for the sensitivity and priority you and Mandy inspire me with...Thanks for sharing!!
    Love Jenny B.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for sharing something so personal. It meant a lot to me to be able to read this. This was beautifully written for an event that is a dark spot on your heart. I love you guys!=

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can relate to Jill and the other comments. Your experiences have made me more conscious of my actions as a mother. I have personal regret, as well, regarding a dear friend who took his life our senior year in high school. I neglected to follow a very strong prompting because it would make me late for work. It probably wouldn't have changed the outcome, but it broke my heart to live with the regret.

    Our night-time routine isn't always smooth or pleasant, but no matter how frustrated I might get I am mindful to end the night in peace and love. I thank you and Mandy both for sharing your real, raw emotions and experiences on this journey. Even though I CRY every time I read this blog, I just can't keep away because I am uplifted and strengthened each time, as well. You make this mother want to do and be better.

    Much love to you both...and thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This was so tender. Thank you David for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can't even express how much I needed to hear this post. I have 2 teenage daughters and a 7 yr. old boy. I have been very frustrated lately........I have wanted to just be alone. Thank you for the much needed re-focus on my family. They are growing up fast, I need to treasure each moment.

    May the Lord bless you and comfort your sweet family!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I also needed that reminder! You are a wonderful father! Thanks for continuing to inspire me to be better mother, friend, daughter, sister, and wife!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ever since I found your blog I give my little girl a extra kiss and a longer hug at night. Thank you for sharing such personal moments. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is a beautiful reminder. I am sorry that it is filled with such sorrow, but telling your story is teaching others, reminding us of what is truly most important. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I don't know your family, but I wanted you to know, I did learn something, and I appreciate your special, personal, reminder.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This really was a good reminder to me. . . thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks so much for sharing this message with us. I must try today to not let my "life" interrupt who is really my "life" (if that makes sense)?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh, you are ruining my perfectly lashed eye makeup. Your posts put me in tears, David. Your honesty is so raw and open. I really have no words except I am going to do exactly what you suggested and be more present in the events that really matter (or at least try harder). I work from home half the week and I can't tell you how often I am thinking, "just fall asleep, Cash" at naptime so I can get back to my work.

    It isn't just with kids either. It is for all my relationships. I want to be more intentional with the people I love. Is it possible to have "no regrets"? I'm not sure it is but I can work hard to do better at least.

    Thank you for sharing so openly. I haven't met you but I know you are one of the good ones. Plus, Amanda picked you so you must be something special.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for being a part of my journey. I appreciate your supportive and healing comments. Here's to a Promise of Sunshine!