I am a Sweetheart to One and a Mommy to Four Loveable Babes, one of which is smiling down on us from Heaven. I am learning to dance in the rain. Come with me on my journey as I make the most out of Life's mud puddles.

Put on your rain boots. Great adventure lies ahead.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Sweet Dreams

Last night, I had a dream. A vivid dream. A dream of Bennett.

Bennett was back in my arms. I knew he had passed away but he had miraculously returned and I - appreciating him more than ever - held him closer and kissed him more than ever before (and THAT is saying A LOT). Things were better than ever and everything was back to normal.

Except for one thing. He didn't have any arms.

In the dream, I remember trying to give Bennett a dum dum sucker (one of his favorite treats) but not knowing whether to just put it in his mouth or hold it for him. This was a whole new challenge.

But I was eager to take on this challenge. Willingly and happily. Having him - in any form or condition - was better than not having him at all. I was grateful to hold him in my arms and cuddle him all the more. My heart felt whole once more and all was well in the world.

Since I awoke this morning, I've been thinking about (what was unfortunately just) my dream last night. Though it was a bit strange in hindsight, it seemed quite realistic at the time (aren't all dreams like that?). Though I don't believe ALL dreams have meaning, I believe that this one held particular significance for me.

Since his birth, Bennett has touched many with his amazingly loving, gentle and generous spirit. I remember one of my dearest friends coming to see him when he was only a few months old. When she held him for the first time, she began crying. "He is so special!" she said. "I can just feel the strength of his spirit as I look at him!" I knew this and his father had felt it as well. We knew this was an incredible human being with an amazing mission ahead but it was quite surreal to hear it from someone who had no previous experience with him. He was THAT powerful.

As Bennett's Mother, I would often wonder what the Lord had in mind for this little boy. What would he bring to the world? What was his mission? And what could I do to prepare him for his journey? I felt humbled and honored to be called to the task and to be a part of his precious life.

Enter January 22, 2011. Bennett suddenly passed away to the stunned amazement of us all. It was as if the air was completely knocked out of our lungs. What? When? How? It just didn't make sense! And to this day - almost three months later - we don't have a lot of answers. A lot of physical answers, that is. And I don't know if we ever will.

But this is what we are finding out. Bennett did have a mission. Both here and on the other side. And he fulfilled it here and is continuing to fill it there. But there is a part of his mission that continues to involve us, his loved ones that - for a time - have been left behind. We have been called to carry on his legacy and tell his story. His is a story of Love. His is a story of Light. And His is a story of Laughter. Now we are here to write the remaining chapters.

What will they be? Will they be filled with Hope, Faith, Gratitude and Joy? Or will they tainted tales of Bitterness, Anger and Resentment? Right now, we are his hands. We are here to tell the story he cannot tell. And we are hear to spread the message his sweet lips will not utter in this life.

But tell it we will. And we will not stop until everyone knows our story of Hope, understands our reason for Joy and is comforted with the news that Death is NOT the end. We WILL see our sweet children again. No goodbyes, just see you later's. That's our motto. And Later won't come soon enough.

So tonight, I recommit to telling our Sweet Bennett story once more. I have not chosen this path. It was chosen for me. And I feel called to share this message.

And share it I will.

I will be Bennett's hands and I will share our sweet story of Faith, Hope and Joy despite heartache, despite loss and in the face of profound grief and sorrow. And we will prevail. We will. And as a team, we will do what we need to do to be together again. Cause there ain't nothin' better than that.

Time for bed. 'Nigh 'nigh (as Bennett would say). And Sweet Dreams.


  1. You've brought me to tears once more - happy tears. What a beautiful interpretation of your dream. You are amazing.

  2. Thank you for sharing your dream with us. I am a dreamer. I love the thought of falling asleep in hope for a dream that will fill my night with joy, whatever dream that may be. I just put together a book for my project for one of my classes in school, "Title Living Amongst My Dreams". And my dream is my husband and 4 beautiful babies. I talk about having goals in life, but this is my dream to raise a family through all of lifes experiences.
    One of my quotes on dreams says "Dreams are an expression from God of ones to come and those who have gone."

  3. I'm in tears and have an inspired heart. Thank you Amanda. You are beautiful. And your little Bennett boy is so inspiring. Sending our love and prayers your way.

  4. What a positive and encouraging life vision you have! There is great power in the plan of salvation and the power of the resurrection. As I have read, I have been kinder to my children and kiss them multiple times before I go to bed. I am thankful you have the courage to share your journey of life and continuation of life. Thank you for bringing light to me.

  5. The Lord knew who He could trust to tell Bennett's story. That's why he was sent to your family. No one, NO ONE will tell it better or live its truth more gracefully than you! We love you sweet mommy. You inspire all of us. Our prayers continue to be lifted up to Father in your behalf.

  6. As always I am so moved by this post. Thank you for helping me to appreciate all that I have been given even my challenges.

  7. Love this post! I love to see this journey you and your family are on because it inspires me and helps me recommit to my own path. I had a similar experience as your dream and it was very clear to me that I needed to "share my story with others", which is why I have chosen to share so much on my own blog (which I didn't do before). Thank you for all of your great posts, I love every single one!

  8. What a wonderful thing that you are doing. I think of a Mother that has lost her own baby but doesn't know the truth of eternal family. She comes across your story and it helps to heal her breaking hart and give her peace to know that she will be able to be with her baby again. Thank you for sharing your self with us and bring the truth of Gods love to the world in a very special way.

  9. Love and hugs to you! I think the first time I held Bennett was at the High Priest Social in the Thompson’s backyard. He melted into my arms and snuggled into my chest. It was an instant love for me! His sweet spirit has been with him here on this earth. Though his body is gone, his spirit and love have not. They are still here!

  10. What a woman. Thank you for your constant inspiration and hope that you always have and continue to give me. I will always remember holding Bennett and the strong spirit that I felt from him. I have thought about that moment many times and I am grateful for that experience for many different reasons.


Thank you for being a part of my journey. I appreciate your supportive and healing comments. Here's to a Promise of Sunshine!