I am a Sweetheart to One and a Mommy to Four Loveable Babes, one of which is smiling down on us from Heaven. I am learning to dance in the rain. Come with me on my journey as I make the most out of Life's mud puddles.

Put on your rain boots. Great adventure lies ahead.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Tears in Heaven

For those who don't know, this is my sweetheart and better half, David.

David is the epitome of what a husband, father and friend should be - kind, patient, fun loving, long suffering (hello - he's married to me!), charitable, generous of spirit, quick to forgive and wise beyond his years coupled with a deep seeded devotion to God. Indeed, he is my Prince Charming and one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever known. I am blessed to called him my Sweetheart.

As we have walked this path, we have found (like in other areas) that Men and Women grieve differently. Though we are novices on this walk of Profound Grief, I thought it would be helpful to have a male perspective chime in on what is going on in their minds and hearts. While Men may not be as vocal or outwardly emotional as their female counterparts, they are every bit as affected. And I think the emotional support and recognition of grief for Fathers is especially lacking.

We are going to try and do our part to change that and include a seat at our cozy, comfortable kitchen conversation table for all Men and Fathers (affectionately called "Daddies" in our home) who are experiencing Loss and Heartache.

Welcome, Fathers. Welcome.

So - without further adieu - here is the Man of MY heart, David.

Tears are an interesting thing. They are present at the extremes. Have you ever laughed so hard that they fall freely? We "bust a gut" and it can actually hurt! There is a closing scene in the movie "Bucket List" that is a good example of this. Another extreme that brings tears occurs because of weather. You might have experienced it if the sun is too bright or if the wind is blowing and you don't have any glasses or other protection to shield it. Then of course there is crying because of physical pain. We were pushed beyond a "pain threshold" because a nerve was stimulated too much. Sometimes we have this happen by accident such as when we hit our finger with a hammer while pounding a nail. Other times, we may choose to do this for a medical purpose that might save our life. I had this happen when I was operated on to fix the ill effects of a burst appendix. There are so many extremes associated with tears.

I have had the "extreme" bring many tears in the past few months. It hasn't come because of the extremes mentioned previously. These tears have their roots in the gift of love.

I have had a struggle in my life. The struggle involves experiences early in my life. These struggles caused me to hurt and to close my heart in order to avoid hurting again. Well, I have been very blessed by a loving Savior who helped me realize how I had closed my heart and a wonderful wife who continually shows me what it means to love with all of your heart. My sweetheart is one passionate woman and she loves so deeply.

This love makes you vulnerable and it brings the ability to experience the greatest joys in life as well as hurts that are deeper than anything that is purely physical. The two extremes are related. As the ability to love grows deeper, vulnerability increases.

One of my favorite scriptures is found in the New Testament. It simply states "Jesus Wept" (John 11:35). The most powerful and greatest man of all, even God himself, wept. As I said earlier, it is He who has taught and shown me how to "love." In fact, another scripture identifies Him as the the epitome of love, "God is Love"(1 John 4:8,16). He truly understands and has felt all that I have felt and feel (Alma 7:11-12 in the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ).

I am a man. Sometimes I get back into the habit of closing my heart because it hurts and guys aren't supposed to cry, right? WRONG!!! Crying is a divine manifestation of the gift of love. My wife has told me that she wants me to be more emotionally authentic with her. In other words, being real with how I am feeling at any given moment. In my opinion, there is nothing more manly that I or any man can do than to serve his sweetheart and share the full spectrum of extremes together.

I used to wonder if there were tears in heaven. Eric Clapton obviously wondered the same thing when he penned a song following the death if his son. It is a beautiful expression of emotion but I must disagree with his line "I know there'll be no more, tears in heaven." I know there is and will be tears in heaven. I will have overwhelming emotion at a reunion my whole family looks forward to. I am certain that the millions of tears that have been shed over the past few months because of the extreme feelings of loss (it. hurts. bad.) will be overwhelmingly exceeded by extreme feelings of joy at that reunion. I am further confident that my Bennett Boy and other loved ones who have gone before us cry with us and reach out in whatever ways they can from heaven. Heaven too has extremes.

I hope I can do my part to always make my home a heaven on earth by allowing myself to feel and express all of the extremes that produce tears. I look forward to experiencing new extremes and allowing myself to cry.

Let the tears flow.


  1. Dave that was a touching, heart-felt post. Thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts with us!! You are among the manliest of men I know :) And tears, of both heartache and joy, started to well up in my eyes as I read and thought about that wonderful reunion that you will have with your sweet Bennett. You are such a tender father Dave, and a wonderful husband.

    And I love the term of being "emotionally authentic"...vital in a healthy, loving marriage :) You and Mandy are so blessed to have each other :)

    Mandy, what a fantastic series! :) I look forward to more wonderful posts from your sweetheart :)

    Love you both!

  2. PS - i LOVE this song...but have never heard this version...absolutely beautiful. And I do agree with you...tears are shed in heaven. Some of heartache, but I'm sure (or hope) more of the purest joy :)

  3. Thank you for sharing. I believe that too. Tears do exist in heaven. I remember when my sister passed, leaving behind her husband and two young boys. People said she is so happy up there. I tell Rob all the time, if I am taken early don't start thinking I am perfectly happy to be away. Because I won't be. I believe that my sister is happy, but I also believe that she shed tears with us, and her young family. I also believe that she probably learns quicker and understand far more than we do on earth, but that she is still learning.

    Thanks again for sharing such a tender story.

  4. I find such strength and support in both you and your husbands words. There is great comfort in hearing/reading that grief affects everyone differently, but the overall feelings are the same. Thank you for sharing!

  5. I just found your blog through Carly's. I love your design! Beautiful.

    I am so touched by your loss. I have not lost a child so I know I cannot comprehend the depths of your grief. I am a mother and my heart cries for your loss. I have however had "Defying Gravity" moments in which I thought I would not make it through. Not.

    Please know you have touched my Spirit today. Thank you for your bravery. Smile and enjoy today because today, this moment, Bennett's life story touched me. And I am better for it.

  6. So glad you two have each other to weather the storms with! What a great marriage and true emotional devotion! Loved Daddy's perspective today!
    Love Jenny B.

  7. THANK YOU!! My husband I I too have been grieving so differently and I feel as though he's always my rock and I never see his hard times. I know he struggles daily as much as I do but he shows it so much less. I feel it is just his nature but I would love to be the support that he has been to me. What a wonderful idea to hear from a grieving father, because people never ask me how David is doing they just ask about me. Do they forget about his loss. I hope not he lost his son and that is no easy think to deal with. Thank you again!

  8. I was very touched by your words. I pray for your family every day. God Bless.

  9. Thank you Dave...it is wonderful to hear the man's perspective too. I love your studied out logic in the scriptures. Men showing emotion isn't unmanly. It is Godly! Thank you for your thoughts! We continue to pray for your precious family.

  10. Dave, you are one incredible dad and husband. Loved hearing from you. We are lucky you are in our family and we so appreciate your quiet but remarkable strength.

  11. Davebro, We have thought about you so many times and know that you are grieving just as much. Amanda said it well. We love you so much and look forward to reading your thoughts and feelings as well. Your the best, bro!

  12. Every time I come here and read this blog it's like pulling away the bandages and cleaning out a very deep wound. Painful, yes, but extremely necessary. My struggle is a bit different, it's not something I am forced to think about every minute of every day - but I don't want to forget anything, even the pain because I know some day that extreme pain will be replaced by extreme joy. Thank you for writing this and being a positive reminder to me.

  13. David, you are absolutely incredible in every way shape and form.


Thank you for being a part of my journey. I appreciate your supportive and healing comments. Here's to a Promise of Sunshine!