I am a Sweetheart to One and a Mommy to Four Loveable Babes, one of which is smiling down on us from Heaven. I am learning to dance in the rain. Come with me on my journey as I make the most out of Life's mud puddles.

Put on your rain boots. Great adventure lies ahead.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


So, I've been out awhile. The cause? A combination of things. The health issues of a child, an upcoming move and simply the fact that I didn't feel like writing.

So, I didn't.

So where am I at?
I am sad.
I am grateful.
I am nervous.
And I am hopeful.

In a few weeks, we'll be moving. Again. And with that move will come a wave of emotions. I'll be unpacking items that I haven't seen in over a year. A crib, a carseat, bins of clothing, bedding and items that were oh-so-special to a precious little blonde, blue-eyed boy. And - in all honesty - I'm scared.

I'm scared of going back to a really raw place. I'm scared that I may not be ready to deal with some very real feelings. I'm scared that I won't want to use the crib my son died in. And yet, I'm scared to get rid of it. And I'm scared of moving on to this new chapter without my son.

I'm grateful for new begginings. I'm grateful for a home that is customized to fit the needs, lifestyle and tastes of our family (particularly me ;0). I'm grateful for a fantastic new neighborhood, congregation and friends that have already blessed my life. And I'm grateful to God who is the Great Giver of all these Gifts.

I am nervous for what's ahead. I am nervous that I will deal with infertility again. I am nervous about the anxiety I will feel when having another baby. I am nervous about my baby sleeping . . . period. I am nervous about what the core of another child's health concerns are. I am nervous about my ability to adapt to even more change. And I am nervous that my children will grow up with a worry wort mother.

But I am hopeful for our future. God loves me - He tells me daily - and has a plan for our family. He has led us this far, guiding us every step of the way, and will not leave us comfortless. We don't have all the answers but we are closely connected with The One who does. Will hard times come? You can count on it. But are there good things ahead? You. Bet. And we'll celebrate it all. The Good AND the Growing.

Because that's who we are. And that is who we will continue to be.


  1. So funny that I just barely thought about you and the fact that you hadn't posted in a long while! I have so been there with so many of your worries and questions. It is strange how they can feel so unique and personal yet they are so universal too. I remember all of those concerns; some long ago, some right now, some have resolved and some not. Let me know if you want to chat. :-) Still praying for your family.

  2. I left a comment yesterday but wouldn't you know my computer crashed in the middle of posting. My cousin lost her baby when he was 8 months old also to SIDS. she since has had another baby and they lost their house. She really struggled with worry about her new newborn so after a lot of research she bought a mattress that has alarms in it that go off when it senses something is wrong with the baby. It really gave her piece of mindAnyways, I was going to say, if you don't want to use that crib then don't. It's totally understandable. But maybe instead of storing it, you could turn it into a bench for your other kiddos. And paint it sunny yellow to remind you of your sweet Bennett! We turned our headboard into a bench and I love that it reminds me of our first married year. There are pictures on google and pinterest if you need inspired. Thank you for blogging and for your sweet words. You are amazing!

  3. I have missed your posts! Oh, I am such a worrier! What would we do without faith and hope...Glad your posts are always filled with these! Good luck with all the upcoming changes--my offer for a warm dinner always stands if you have another busy packing day!!
    Love Jenny B.

  4. You haven't written for a while again. And just in case you feel like this blog was a years project and decide to be done, I wanted to thank you. I can't tell you how many times I stop and look at my babies after I put them in bed because of your story. Not out of fear, but out of love. You, your story, your open emotions on this blog to complete strangers has changed me for the better. You are one beautiful woman. I want to wish you luck with the rest of your journey and pray for blessing of peace and hope for you and your family. And once again thank you for listening to a prompting in that hard moment. God bless you Mandy.

  5. I've missed hearing from you lately. I hope all is going well and you're just too busy spending time with family to write. Love Amy


Thank you for being a part of my journey. I appreciate your supportive and healing comments. Here's to a Promise of Sunshine!