Monday, December 5, 2011
Today I ran into someone I haven't seen in a long time. She was going one direction - with a toddler on her hip - and I was going another. But we quickly made time to catch up for a minute.
The typical questions came up. How long have you lived here? Where do you live? How many kids do you have? The last question - of course - is always interesting for me. I ALWAYS say we have four children which leaves people awkwardly looking around for the missing party.
Come to find out, this friend had heard through the grapevine of Bennett's death. She asked me how he passed away (a question that does not bother me in the least). I replied that he quietly and unexpectedly passed away in his sleep. She stood there - stunned for a minute - and then suddenly responded, "It must have just been his time. What a blessing."
Ouch. Sucker punch to the gut. I looked into the eyes of her beautiful blue eyed 2-year-old boy whose adventurous eyes gazed back into mine and quietly replied, "Not really."
I could have said so much more. I could have told her that - despite all that I've learned - I'd give EVERYTHING back in a heartbeat to have my arms full of toddlerhood and ALL that that entails. I'd love to be spending my days wiping noses, changing diapers, child proofing my electrical outlets, finding trails of cheerios on the floor, stressing out about potty training and helping him "adjust" to his nursery class at church. That I'd love to have his distractions on my grocery shopping trip and I'd love to be dealing with his "terrible twos."
But I didn't say any of that. I held my tongue. Why? Because - from what I can remember - this woman is an angel. A Saint, I tell you. She has a heart of gold and wouldn't hurt a flea. She had no idea how her words hit me. And I know they were not meant to do so.
But they did. And it was all I could do to not scoop up her little boy in my arms and give him all the extra 2 year old Mommy love that I'm so missing right now.
I'm learning. I'm learning so much. I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt whenever possible because I KNOW I've been "that person" a time or two (or more) myself. I KNOW I have. And what goes around comes around.
And - heaven knows - I need all the brownie points I can get.