Today I ran into someone I haven't seen in a long time. She was going one direction - with a toddler on her hip - and I was going another. But we quickly made time to catch up for a minute.
The typical questions came up. How long have you lived here? Where do you live? How many kids do you have? The last question - of course - is always interesting for me. I ALWAYS say we have four children which leaves people awkwardly looking around for the missing party.
Come to find out, this friend had heard through the grapevine of Bennett's death. She asked me how he passed away (a question that does not bother me in the least). I replied that he quietly and unexpectedly passed away in his sleep. She stood there - stunned for a minute - and then suddenly responded, "It must have just been his time. What a blessing."
Ouch. Sucker punch to the gut. I looked into the eyes of her beautiful blue eyed 2-year-old boy whose adventurous eyes gazed back into mine and quietly replied, "Not really."
I could have said so much more. I could have told her that - despite all that I've learned - I'd give EVERYTHING back in a heartbeat to have my arms full of toddlerhood and ALL that that entails. I'd love to be spending my days wiping noses, changing diapers, child proofing my electrical outlets, finding trails of cheerios on the floor, stressing out about potty training and helping him "adjust" to his nursery class at church. That I'd love to have his distractions on my grocery shopping trip and I'd love to be dealing with his "terrible twos."
But I didn't say any of that. I held my tongue. Why? Because - from what I can remember - this woman is an angel. A Saint, I tell you. She has a heart of gold and wouldn't hurt a flea. She had no idea how her words hit me. And I know they were not meant to do so.
But they did. And it was all I could do to not scoop up her little boy in my arms and give him all the extra 2 year old Mommy love that I'm so missing right now.
I'm learning. I'm learning so much. I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt whenever possible because I KNOW I've been "that person" a time or two (or more) myself. I KNOW I have. And what goes around comes around.
And - heaven knows - I need all the brownie points I can get.
What a hard moment handled so well.
ReplyDeleteYour examples of being Christlike (because in that moment you were very Christlike) are always an example to me.
Thanks for the reminder to think before I speak and to love the smallest moment I have with my son.
You, your family, your journey, inspire me to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend.
Oh, I am so sorry. I do not know where she was coming from, but having the job I do, and seeing the results of some very tragic accidents, I can see that she could have been telling you that you knew it was his time to go home. There is no blaming someone else, there is no would have, could have, should haves. He wasn't sick or ill. It was not your fault that he passed. So, as hard as it is, and will always be, you have the comfort of knowing that He is in God's hands, because he was needed and wanted there, right at that time. You inspire me every single time you write. You remind me of those things that are most important of all. I am continually amazed at your willingness to share and help the rest of us to be just a little bit better than we are. Thank you for you testimony, and your love and understanding.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I've had a number of friends go through loss recently. I so want to be there for them and want to say the "right" thing. I second guess myself often and hope things didn't come across wrong. Ugh. I need to learn to just cry with them and keep my mouth shut sometimes. :) Thank you for giving us the benefit of the doubt when we so badly want to help. You amaze me with every post you put up. Thank Amanda. Thank you for being so wonderful. And I'm sorry that you are going through such hurt.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that happened to you. I think I may be someone who has unknowingly caused someone pain before and it makes me sick to think about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming she meant it was a blessing that he didn't suffer? Who knows. I am learning lessons from you all the time.
It is so hard to know what to say without hurting someones feelings. I worry in these type of situations that I have said the wrong things too! No one would hurt you on purpose. We all feel love for you and your family and would do anything in the world to take this pain from you! May you feel peace and love, the love of our Savior, a perfect love!
ReplyDeleteLove you lady! Love your family! Love your testimony and your willingness to try! I often stumble over my words, and am sure what I meant in my heart was not conveyed in my words. Can't wait for the day when the intent of my words will be understood by the hearts of those who I love. But for now, all we have are words...however shallow they may be. I want you to know that your example is sunshine, thanks!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reminding all of "us" to think before we speak, and to sometimes say nothing at all but just lend a shoulder, share a tear etc..
ReplyDeleteI assume she meant it was a blessing he didn't suffer and went in peace, and I don't know if it would be better if she had followed through with that thought if that was the case? As a mother I know that regardless of our knowing we will be with our children again, the best place for them to be is in our arms-of course we feel and believe that, they are our babies!
Thanks for sharing your heart, your life, your precious baby with all of us...you truly are teaching so many people so much. Hugs