The One

Have you ever heard something that just made your stomach turn? I have. Last night. And it took me back to the early moments of my grief and the thoughtless things some people would say.

Let me explain.

While perusing the latest postings of a private facebook group, I read the leader's emotional post about the suicide of her 14 year old daughter's best friend. My. Heart. Broke. While my child passed away in a much different manner, my heart ached for the sweet Mother, Father, siblings and community affected by this tragedy. I can only imagine what they were feeling. My whole soul just heaved for them. Oh, the heartache.

What began as a heartfelt "live in the moment" post quickly turned into a soapbox rant on health and nutrition. Among other things, this woman (a dietitian) stated that "eating soda and junk food was no different than shooting yourself in the head." When I read those words, my stomach just flopped. Did she REALLY just compare this girl's tragic suicide to eating junk food and drinking soda? I. Was. Sick. I prayed that that Grieving Mother would never read that post. I can't imagine what she'd feel.

I too have had people innocently say things to me that acted as a sucker punch to the stomach. Words that left me reeling and only added to the overwhelming pain in my soul. That's an awful place to be.

I wish I knew this grieving family. I wish I could show up on their doorstep and just wrap my arms around them and cry. I mean really, really cry. It's amazing how much shared mourning can comfort the soul.

I speak from experience.

Bennett passed away on a quiet Saturday morning. The following Sunday, I was a mess and decided I wasn't quite ready to go to church and be approached by throngs and throngs of people. So we stayed home, held one another close and tried to eat enough to sustain life (we had no appetite) while we visited with countless friends, family members and neighbors that came to our home.

Minutes after our church meeting ended, we received a knock at the door. A moment later, a dear woman I had worked with in church entered the room - tears streaming down her face - and just swallowed me up in her arms. We both. just. sobbed. She cradled me as we wept together for what seemed a really long time. No impromptu speech was given. No rehearsed cliches were rendered. We just mourned together. And when we felt like we couldn't cry anymore, she gave me one more hug and simply walked out the door.

That's all.

I have said many times since that this dear friend TRULY did the perfect thing. She didn't stay away, not knowing what to say. She didn't avoid the subject when in my presence. She didn't share all the blanket statements you hear so often after losing a loved one. She just came to be with me and - together - we wept.

Sound familiar?

In the last year, my heart has changed. A lot. While I've always tried to be a good person, something inside me has just switched. In essence, the Light has turned on.

I have learned what compassion, charity and true service is at the feet of angels. Both in heaven AND on earth. And I am learning what it means to "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort." I have tried to do that all my life but it's all different now. I have received quite the education. The tuition has been high, but the wisdom that I'm gaining is life changing.

Because I have been the One.

I have been the One to experience tragedy.

I have been the One that could scarcely breathe.

I have been the One that has known what it physically feels like to have a broken heart.

And I have been the One that has looked to the heavens, wondering if my Life would ever be the same.

But I ALSO have been the One to know comfort.
I have been the One to feel enveloped by a Peace that only God can give.

I have been the One to be the recipient of more love, prayers and quiet service than I could document in a lifetime.

And I have been the One who has come to know God in my extremities.

So my prayer is that when the opportunity presents itself, that I will act as my dear friend. I pray that I will not use the moment to philosophize, offer opinions or dwell on the "woulda coulda shoulda's".

But instead, I will embrace. I will weep. I will listen. I will share my love. I will do whatever can be done to lighten their load. And I will let them know that I will be there. For the long haul.

Because I too have been The One.