Let the Sun Shine In

In the summer of 2000, I had the fortune of studying in Israel for the summer. It was a life changing experience. I could write an entire book about the changes that took place within the chambers of my heart during my months in Israel, Egypt and Jordan. But - for now - a fun and quirky memory will have to suffice.

Summers in the said near eastern countries are stifling, dry and treacherous. They are surely not for the faint of heart. And - in the heat of the desert - we would spend hours on buses taking us from one dry and sandy location to another. To pass the time away, me and my BYU-Jeru buddies would conjure up various activities/games to pass the time away. One of them was singing songs together. One of our favorites became a song that my dear friend Aimee - a ray of Light herself - taught us. It was an expanded version of "You Are My Sunshine" but funked up a bit. I loved it and it soon became our favorite "go to" round song. The lyrics are as follows:

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are gray

You'll never know dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.

You are my ever lovin' baby

You are my everything

You make me oh so very happy

When skies are gray, and by the way

You'll never know how much I love you

How much I need you when you're gone

Please don't take my Sunshine away.

So let the sunshine in

Face it with a grin

Smilers never lose

And frowners never win

So let the sun shine in

Face it with a grin

Open up your heart

And let the sun shine in.

Fast forward a decade. I am married, have four children of my own and have experienced MANY adventures since my summer in Jerusalem. But the upbeat tune of yesteryear has been passed down to my sweet children and has become one of our favorite sing along songs. In particular, it has become an endearing tune sung specifically to my toddler - Bennett - whom we call our "Sunshine Boy." Wherever he goes there is Love, Light and Laughter. He is literally Sunshine personified. What a Gift.

Then the unexpected occurs. Amid our blue skies of promise bursting with rays of warmth and light, we experience a turbulent storm. On January 22, 2011, we awoke to learn that our Sweet Sunshine Boy had passed away in his sleep. We were dumbfounded, shocked, heartbroken and numb. How could this be? How could we live our lives without him? How could we go on?

And yet, in the eye of the storm, we experienced a Peace that surpassed ALL understanding. Did we know WHY Bennett passed away? No. Did we know HOW he passed away? Negative. But - in our darkest hours - we DID feel lifted in a way one can only understand if they have experienced it themselves. We knew a loving, tender Father in Heaven was aware of us and that we were not alone. We have felt of his Love and have been warmed by His Light. And it gives us the strength to continue to put one foot in front of the other.

And so, our story continues. We are new on this path but we are on a journey of healing as we strive to Love, Laugh, Learn and Live Amid Life's Storms. Each moment brings with it varied emotions, but as we let each feeling come and go like a passing storm front, somehow it ebbs and flows more gently. And with each ache, we are reminded of how much we adored and cherished each day of his 20 short months here on earth. And we cling to the promise of being with Bennett again. Forever.

So come with me. You may/may not have "lost" a child, but perhaps you've experienced heartache, disappointment and the loss of a dream. In this way, we are the same. Though everyone grieves differently, there are many similarities in the human experience. And if we take this rocky road together - hand in hand - we may not only find companionship, but we will be reminded that we are not alone. Many have walked this path before and many more will follow. The purpose? It is in the muddiest of times that we discover what we are made of and that - even IF we are living our worst case scenerio - we can come out standing, breathing and stronger than ever before. And THAT is the miracle.

So, though I have since learned that not all the words to my beloved "Sunshine" song are accurate ("smilers never lose and frowners never win"), I do celebrate the phrase that has now become one of my mantras:

So let the sun shine in

Face it with a grin . . .

Open up your heart

And let the Sunshine in.

And so I'm opening up my heart with the hopes that - in doing so - healing will come to me, my family and someone else who is in need. And that - maybe as I help others - the Lord will allow me to feel a little more of my SONshine with me.

Welcome, friends. Welcome.